A tongue-in-cheek personality quiz for all my crunch-loving weirdos 🧡
Let’s be honest — the type of crunch you crave says a lot about you. You think you're just picking a snack, but really, you're revealing your inner chaos, your cosmic alignment, and probably your childhood trauma too. Whether you're biting into a brick of clay or lovingly labelling your stash box like it’s your third child, your crunch has vibes.
Here’s what yours says about you. Don’t fight it. I see you.
Raw Clays — The Earthy Purists
You want it straight from the source, no filter, no frills. Just dig-it-up-and-bite-it vibes. You are salt of the earth material — solid, grounded, maybe a bit stubborn, but reliable AF. You’ve probably never used a ring light in your life. If someone tried to serve you “reformed, shaped, flavoured” anything you’d politely (or not) decline and go chew on your backyard. You're not here for fluff — you're here for crunch.
Personality Vibes: No-nonsense, deeply loyal, probably owns a single pair of boots they've worn for 7 years straight. You are the Capricorn of the group.
Chalks — The Basic Baddies
Creamy, powdery, smooth... it’s giving vanilla, and no shame in that game. You want that clean bite, that soft dust, that satisfying crumble. You’re the girlies who light a candle before a snack and post it with a latte and a #vibecheck. You love an aesthetic — beige everything, maybe even a Pinterest board for your stash. You are a little basic and you know what? You wear it well.
Personality Vibes: Soft glam, oat milk loyalist, likely to say “I’m such an introvert” at brunch. Total Virgo energy.
Treats — The Tender Hearts
Soft on the teeth, strong on the feels. You go for the gentler stuff — clay treats, dusty nibbles, crunchy-but-kind snacks. You are sensitive, emotional, intuitive. Basically the human equivalent of that one piece in the batch that’s cracked but still holding it together. You snack with love. You probably worry it’s weird to eat this stuff and need constant reassurance.
Personality Vibes: Crying to lo-fi, moon journaling, always cold. You are a Cancer and you know it.
The Stash Box Crew — The Crunch Librarians
Oh you have a stash box? With sections? Labelled by texture and taste? Maybe even colour-coded? Yeah. You are organised, intentional, probably a Virgo with a rising Virgo. You’ve got your life together in a way the rest of us can only dream of. You probably track your deliveries down to the second and use tweezers to pick the perfect piece. Respect.
Personality Vibes: Efficient, calm under pressure, probably has a favourite spreadsheet. You’re the Hermione of the crunch world.
Shale Stone — The Health Gurus
Shale girls are that girl. You read the history, you know about the minerals, you snack with purpose. You’ve got your life on a schedule, maybe even take spirulina. But don’t get it twisted — you’ve got a cheat streak too. One minute you’re chewing shale with cucumber water, next minute you’re nibbling on a sneaky chalk corner like it’s a Friday night takeaway. Balanced.
Personality Vibes: Clean living, gym girlie, always sipping something green. You're the Sagittarius who reads the label and licks the dust off your fingers.
Slate Pencils — The Low Effort Queens
Let’s be real, you want your cravings convenient. You’re not out here chiselling a chunk from a big block. You want pre-cut, ready to crunch, neat and portable. You're the kind who’d order Uber Eats from the restaurant across the road. You’re chill, slightly lazy, but living your best minimal-effort life. Honestly? We’re jealous.
Personality Vibes: Hoodie in July, lives off iced coffee, probably lost a pair of AirPods this month. Definite Libra or Taurus.
Clay Pots — The Greedy Goddesses
You looked at something functional and thought, “What if I eat it though?” You are greedy, dramatic, and living for it. You want it all — the structure, the crunch, the novelty, the flex. Eating cups and dishes like they’re a snack? You’re here to dominate, devour, and drop jaws while you do it. You are not just snacking. You are performing.
Personality Vibes: Main character. Loud. Chaotic good. Probably a Leo with Scorpio moon. People fear you and want to be you.
Dirt — The Dirty, Kinky Queens
Oh you like dirt? Like actual, dusty, earthy, soil-between-your-teeth, no-holds-barred dirt? Then you are the wild one. You don’t pretend to be anything you’re not. You’re raw, you’re real, and you like it messy. You’re not out here nibbling clean edges or curating an aesthetic stash — you’re rolling around in the real deal. You are the friend that everyone knows is a little freaky but no one has the guts to call it out. You’ve probably licked a rock before. Maybe twice.
Personality Vibes: Dirty mind, chaotic neutral, definitely sends unhinged voice notes. You're the Scorpio that even other Scorpios fear. And let’s be honest — you love it that way.
So… who are you?
Drop your crunch sign in the comments and tell me if I nailed it (you know I did). And if you're a mix of all of them? Welcome to the club, my beautifully complicated snack soul.
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